These log entries are intended to tell my story as it happened along with the emotions I feel in the present as I recall the event. I will give my personal analysis of the situation at the time and where my head was at.  Of course these are my memories and my recollection which might be a bit flawed as time has passed and memory formation is a complex and often faulty.

So here we go.                                                                ~~~ "Existence Precedes Essence" Jean-Paul Sartre ~~~

I have been sick to my stomach for 2 days after launching the Skippers logs. I am by nature pretty introverted and self contained. Opening up on this website and eventually on my social media is so very strange and icky 🥴.  This is why it has taken me so long to launch this site and prepare for the book publishing.   My take has always been to put on a brave face and don't let anybody see you sweat.  Don't share your darkness or struggles in public.   Put on a happy face when you leave the house, or don't leave the house at all.   I will charge ahead, however.   Thank you ALL for reading my posts.   I do have analytics on this site and on insta, so I am aware of the general visitation numbers.  ☮️ Peace my brothers and sista's.  ☮️

After speaking and texting with Scott, I settled into my weekend.  On Saturday my nephew and his wife came over to peruse my attic for baby items, as they were expecting their first child.  It was a cold and dreary weekend as I remember.  I didn't leave the house and just felt doomy and gloomy.  On Monday I was NOT feeling great and barely made it out of bed, but I made it to work.  By Tuesday morning my body had shut down a bit and my mood was terrible.  I called out sick to work on Tuesday and again on Wednesday.   I did not hear that Scott had missed his gig nor that he was unaccounted for.   No one reached out to me -- at all.   I decided to go to the grocery store Wednesday around 1:00 pm.   Little did I know just an hour or two earlier, Scott's vehicle has been towed off from the same grocery store parking lot about 4 spaces away from where I parked that day.   I had completed my shopping and was waiting in a checkout line.   My cell phone rang.   It was a close friend of Scott's.  She simply stated, "Scott's been murdered."  I recall partially collapsing onto the grocery cart.

I tried to get my bearings and told her that I would call her back in a few minutes.   I got up to the cashier and told her that I just got some really shocking news.  Could she check out the groceries and ensure that I had my credit card and purse at the end of transaction?  She obliged and I somehow got to my vehicle and loaded my groceries.  I got in the driver's seat and sat there dumbfounded for quite some time.  

Sitting in my Toyota and once I gained my composure, I returned Scott's friend's call.  She told me there had been a body found up the Poudre Canyon on Monday and idenfited today as Scott. She said that the police were looking for his trumpet as perhaps the unfortunate event was the result of a robbery gone wrong.  I don't remember must else about that day. I know I would have reached out to my best friend Debby, a couple of close friends, and two of my sisters.  

I think grief and disbelief were the emotions of the moment. I don't recall being overwrough though, just shocked. I found online articles about a body located on Old Flowers Road and Pingree Park Road. I knew I had to get to work the next day, so I took a valium and a sleeping pill...

The next day on February 13th, I was fully expecting to receive a phone call from the police, but none came.  After work I went home and spent the evening theorizing with friends what might have happened to Scott. I looked at pictures, listened to music that reminded me of him, listened to old voice mails, and read texts between the two of us.  Got to bed late but with the help of Ambien, got to sleep. 

Next day I went to work, February 14th 2020.  I still had not heard anything from anybody (except the original phone call from his close friend).  I finally reached out to the manager/drum player of the Movers and Shakers and asked him who he had talked to in the Larimer County Sheriff's office. He gave me a name and a phone number.   I proceeded to call, and left a voicemail.  I stated who I was and my relationship to Scott.  I said that I would be happy to assist in the investigation.

I went home for lunch. Received a phone call from a friend who happened to work in the IT help desk. She said hat two Larimer County Sheriff's investigators had been there looking for me.  She told them I was probably at lunch and they told her they would return later.  I jumped in my car and went back to work.

The stress and pressure was starting to get to me. I was a county technology employee in a county adjacent to Larimer County.  I went to see my big boss to inform him of what was going on.  He volunteered his office for the investigators and I to talk. Around 1:30 or so, I got a call that the investigators had returned. Technology is a secure facility, so I went and let them in and led them back to my office.  I closed the door.  They introduced themselves and explained why they were there.  I told them that I had called a person at Larimer County a few hours ago.  I gave them the number, they called it and it went to voicemail.  I guess that person was off that day. They seemed relieved that I had already volunteered my assistance.  They told me that they had an interview room prepared for me in the Weld County Sheriff's office.  They said I could drive my vehicle. They escorted me out of the building, one investigator waited for me in his car at the end of the parking lot, I fell in behind his car and followed. The other officer created a convoy and followed me in his vehicle.   The room where we were going was in the next building over a block away.

The first police "interview" / "interrogation"  of my life was to soon to follow. Indeed the "Feast of Saint Valentine." 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤💔